Frustration

With each day that passes I become more and more frustrated with my body.  I think I have finally realized that my frustration is knowing that in December this excess skin is going away, but having to wait (very impatiently) for it to happen. Every time I get dressed, take a shower or look in the mirror all I see is this "stuff" around my body that taunts me. One day at a time.

In other news I've been doing a lot of reading about post surgery tips and recovery tricks.  One of the big things I've read about is the importance of body position while recovering.  So many people have written about having a comfortable recliner or Lazy Boy.  This creates the optimal position for healing since being flat in a bed causes too much stretching on the incision line. So I've started asking around to see who may have one I can borrow one from.  Good news: I may have found one!

Positive note: this week someone made a $500 anonymous donation to the GoFundMe site my friend set up!  Beyond words. My heart continues to be filled up by the selfless-ness of the people in my life.  Completely grateful and honored.

44 days until surgery!

The Dreams

I tend to be a highly critical thinker...about everything!  I've notice that I have waves of thoughts about my surgery.  I go through intense periods of over thinking every part of it, which at times consumes my day. I experienced my first surgery dream recently, which of course sent me into a session of deep thoughts.  The dream was focused around the outcome of the surgery, recovery, scar lines/location and disappointment.  I woke up feeling confused and hesitant about everything.  It took me the entire day to shake the feeling.

Since then I've had a few other dreams all focused on different aspects of surgery.  I am learning to deal with them a lot easier, but they still shake me up a little.  I guess its all part of the anxiety of booking a date so far out.  The waiting is going to be the hardest part, but I know it will be well worth the wait.

52 days until surgery!