Racing Mind

Over thinking.  Over analyzing. Worrying. Anxious.

These are the current themes racing through my head.  I can't turn it off.  I try to turn it down by occupying my time with other things, but it all leads back to preparation.  I'm probably doing too much.  I'm probably causing stress on my body that I shouldn't...not sure what else to do.

Question - what are your favorite TV shows that you think I would like?  I need to set my TV line up for 2 weeks of recovery time.

I am so thankful for my friends and family.  Everyone has been very supportive and have offered to help with anything that I need during recovery.  It's overwhelming.  I'm sure everyone is also tired of hearing about all of this.

15 days....

One Week to Pre Op Appointment

Time is flying by.  It's crazy to think that this time next week I will be heading to my Pre-Op appointment with my surgeon!  So many thoughts.  So many feelings.  I can say that right now my feelings are mostly anxious ones.  I'm not scared or worried....just anxious.  Impatiently waiting.  Making lots of lists to help occupy my time!

I am also trying to manage my own internal expectations of the surgery outcome.  I have no idea what to expect, but I don't want to  build false hope to some mental image I've created.  So...I'm doing a lot of self checking!  Gotta keep my mind right!

I also started a 30 Day Plank Challenge to build up my core muscles.  I've read that having a strong core helps with recovery time because the body will be using all muscle to maintain post op.  So this what I am doing.  I am currently at day 10.  Definitely feeling a difference.  Good stuff!

19 Days......

Opinions are like....

Opinions are like.....well, they're like whatever you want to think they're like.  As I have been telling people about my surgery there has been mixed reactions and opinions.  Most have been positive, supportive and some question why and I get to tell my weight loss story.  One of the most frustrating reactions I've experienced this week is those that want to share their own experience.  Sounds counter intuitive right?  The problem is that everyone that I've talked to that has been through this procedure only wants to share how painful the recovery was for them.  How I am going to be in so much pain and that it will be just plain awful.

How is that helpful to me?  For the most part I've just been playing it off.  Internally I am actually starting to prepare for the absolute worse!  At least if it ends up not being as bad I will be surprised.  Either way I plan to take my prescribed meds on schedule and as dictated by my doctor.  I have a high tolerance to pain, but I ain't no fool!  :)

22 days until surgery!

To the YouTube!

I got caught up in the internet last night.  YouTube to be specific.  As my surgery date countdown decreases in numbers  the amount of time thinking about it increases.  I started watching videos of people preparing for and recovering from the same surgery I will be having.  What I find interesting (yet not a surprise) is how every person has a different experience.  Some experience the worst pain ever -"worse than child birth", while some stop taking the pain medication two days after and start taking over the counter stuff.  I tend to think I have a high pain tolerance and want to believe that my recovery will be less painful than most.....BUT, I am preparing for the worst. The interesting part is that my tolerance to prescription pain medication is very low.  So I'm sure what ever they give me will keep me in a daze!

I watched some pretty good video's last night.  I refuse to watch actual footage of a surgery.  It reminds me of when I prepare for a half marathon.  I never look at the course elevation/map.  I want to physically and mentally prepare for the race, but actually seeing what I am in for scares the crap out of me! Same applies with this surgery...I don't want to see what's going to happen.  I want to go to sleep and wake up with it done!

Everyone has been super supportive so far.  All of my friends have been asking about how I am feeling and offering help post-op.  As hard as it is for me to accept help...the one consistent message I have read and watching about recovery is to let others help you.  So - consider this an open acceptance of any help my friends want to give and a HUGE thank you in advance.

The fact that my friends came together and donated almost $2,000 to help fund this life changing event is a reflection of the amazing people that surround me.  Words cannot explain my gratitude.  Emotions can't show how thankful I am.  I am truly blessed.

27 Days until surgery!

30 Days!

Today marks the one month countdown to surgery.  30 days...30 LONG DAYS!  The next phase of my journey beings in 30 days.  Today I am picking up my "recovery ship"AKA a recliner that I will spend my time in post surgery.  Starting to get very real!  I've also started my shopping list for things I will need post-op.  Trying to be as prepared as possible so that I don't have to get my friends to run around for me.  I'm sure I will forget something, but getting the basics will be important.  I'll be posting my list in the weeks to come!

Someone I can relate to

Someone shared an amazing video with me yesterday that I related to (for the most part) and have to share!

What an incredible transformation!  He makes some powerful statements in this video...I have watched several times and get something new with each view.  To go from being embarrassed of being overweight to embarrassment of extra skin is not what you envision when you decide to get your life in order and shed some extra pounds.  For over 2 years know I have been pleased with the amount of weight I lost (over 100lbs), but have grown increasingly frustrated with the way my body looks now.  John's confidence is inspiring - he accepts his skin as a badge of his journey!  Something I wish was an easy thing to step into.  What an incredible man!

Check out his YouTube channel and Instagram below.

Obese to Beast :
https://www.youtube.com/user/ObesetoBeast/featured
http://instagram.com/obese_to_beast

To photo or not to photo....

Obviously I will be taking some before photo's for the infamous before/after shot, but I've been struggling with how I could possible share that with people.  Even though I have had great success with dieting I still have body image issues.  Even knowing that starting in December those body images will be reduced exponentially - I still look in the mirror and see 315 lbs.  My goal is to get some good before photos to share on my blog and not be ashamed of it.  It's the result of a lot of hard work, sweat and determination.  Challenge accepted! (wait, did I just accept my own challenge?)

I recently got pulled into a conversation about having a roommate and how difficult that must be to not be able to run around naked. This is never been an issue for me as being naked has not been a comfortable experience for me. I even take my clothes with me to the shower (my closet is in my bathroom) which means I get dressed as soon as I dry off.  I don't find this odd - but apparently it was a topic of conversation for over an hour. It led to "Will you want to be naked more (or shirtless) after your surgery?" The answer....I HAVE NO IDEA!  My hope is that I will feel more comfortable with my body.  Only one way to know...check back with me post surgery!  :)

33 Days until surgery!